dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
