sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
