South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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