I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
