I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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