im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
