Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
