I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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