the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
