I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
