i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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