can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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