I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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