I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
