I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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