i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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