There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
