i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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