Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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