I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
