It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
