I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
