I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize