My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
