In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
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The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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