I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.