Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
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I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.