I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.