then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
