I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
