I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
