well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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