and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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