The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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