i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
