How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
