You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
