So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
