My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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