Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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