Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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