When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
