Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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