My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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