i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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