come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
