just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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