apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
