My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Found your dick twin last night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Damn victory sex feels great
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
