I cockslap morals
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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