Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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