I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
