Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
