Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
