I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish I only lived at night.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
