I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
