He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
