I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
