you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
