Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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