While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
