Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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