the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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