i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
