last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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