No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
