my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
