your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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